I'm tired, Guess I'll go home now

The 28th annual Army Ten Miler in our nation's capital was today. Early morning, I drove to the parking station for the Metro. I met a guy who was running the same race, trying to figure out the DC public transportation as well. We chatted about the race, he too will be doing the Marine Corps Marathon next weekend, although he had much higher hopes about today. Once we arrived at the Pentagon, absolute chaos ensued. People everywhere! I had to pee, lucky for me there were about 100 Porta Johns (no exageration!), I dropped my jacket off at the garment check (first time I have ever used the garment check and I was nervous about it. I went to the holding area for my wave, ran into (yes, literally) none other than Munch McKoochie.

It was cold, and about an hour to race start. I had checked my jacket, so it was a long hour of attempting to stay warm and attempt to enjoy the awkward situation of old friends. The sun came up and finally the colors were presented and the worst rendition of the Star Spangled Banner was sung. Then the cannons announcing the start of wave 1. Then, like cattle, we were herded to the start line. Our cannon went off, it was 5 more minutes before crowd thinned enough to actually start jogging (yes, that's a silent j, as it never allowed more than a 10 minute mile). The race went all around the monuments, down the middle of Nation's Mall, the crowds were so thick, it was hard to enjoy the sights.

The rules stated that there were no phones, music, or headphones allowed, so it was a long 10 minute mile, 10 miles alone with my thoughts. About mile 6, I was thinking about all the upcoming races and began thinking about why I run and it was kind of stressful. When people know you run, they expect you to go longer, faster. When you go to races, you spend all this money to fly across the country and run with tens of thousands of strangers, and there really is no way to get a good PR in the middle of a crowd that big. I found myself wishing I was back at Ft Bliss, running 10 miles on a trail with 8mm. I wouldn't have had to come all the way to DC, or take the metro, or battle the crowds or drive 40 minutes to get back home; I'd have coffee and a burger at Denny's with my love and take a shower and a nap right next to him. I had a true Forest Gump moment and thought well, I'm tired. Guess I'll go home now.

I wish I could say this story has a happy ending. I wish I could say that in a moment of clarity I found meaning in it all and found my purpose in running. I used to run for therapy, to keep my top from becomming muffin-like. I wish I could say that today was a magical experience, that I'll come back every year, but to be honest, I was more dissapointed with it. I can only hope that next weekend, it will only be the serious runners, and my music will keep my mind from wondering so far.
I have not lost my love of running, just need to find my own rhythm again.

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it" ~ Bill Cosby